Top Five Most Adorable Elves/Knife-Ears in Gaming

by Toddziak

Note: This silly bit of “news” was written as part of the Wacky Week theme. Don’t take it seriously. Check out all the wacky articles for this week’s theme over here at the Wacky Week hub.

It is a widely known fact that most men hate elves. But, girls, let’s face it – they’re just jealous. No puny human can compete with those lanky elven demigods. So to properly celebrate the wacky week let’s have a look at top five hottest knife-eared hunks that can be found in computer games. And this list exists because of reasons. Enjoy!

5. Xan from Baldur’s Gate

This guy is not only an eye-candy, but he also wins girls easily over with his charming personality. Once you recruit him in Nashkel Mines, your life in Faerun will never be the same. Xan is a kick-ass mage, but in a critical moment he can mercilessly slice enemies with his trustworthy sword called Moonblade. He’s a real ray of sunshine among the party – his personality strongly resembles that of Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh. A set of his timeless quotes include: “We delude ourselves to think that our pitiable band will stand up to our enemies”, “Let us save our effort and just lie down and die!”, “The sun shines, and I’m amazed we live to see another day!” and brief yet brilliant “Onward to futility!”. How can you not love him?

4. Link from Zelda series

Dear ladies, a perfect man should not only have looks, but a heart of gold as well. Every girl dreams about a prince charming who will always save his beloved damsel in distress from any predicament. And that is basically what Link does on a daily basis – running around Hyrule and trying to rescue Zelda. His fighting and archery skills are unparalleled, but he also has a thing for magical artefacts. It is true that he’s not really a chatty sort of chap, but it’s actually one of his biggest advantages. He’s a great listener. Just ask Navi. Besides, he’ll never say anything which will embarrass you or make any stupid verbal keyboard smash. His only vice is that he only has eyes for Zelda. Oh well, nothing lasts forever and we both know hearts can change, right? And Link is not technically an elf, since he belongs to a Hylian race, but let’s not be picky.

3. Iorveth from the Witcher 2

Look out, we have a real badass over here! Iorveth (or Iorweth as we, sort of his compatriots, like to call him) is an elf with some serious human issues. That would probably hinder any attempts to form a relationship, but impossible is nothing, amirite? Though his face under the bandanna has been severely mutilated, it is hard to question his overall handsomeness and badassery and that combination makes all the girls flock to him like crazy. Iorveth might not be the most level-headed individual in the gaming world, but certainly dating with him would be anything but boring.

2. Zevran from Dragon Age

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Puss in Boots from Shrek movies turned into a womanizer? Yep, that’s Zevran in all of his perverted glory. You get off with him on a wrong foot, since he is an assassin hired to kill you, but putting those small difference aside, Zevran is a great companion. His extraordinary and smutty sense of humour will often leave you giggling uncontrollably like a mentally challenged fangirl (…wait). Charm is not his only weapon, obviously. As one can expect from a professional killer, he’s great at decreasing the population of annoying people. And when he falls head over heals in love with you, you can be sure that he’ll stick with you till the very end.

1. Fenris from Dragon Age 2

All hail to the brooding king of brood! Fenris is not an easy person to be with, especially if you’re a mage, since he hates everything that has anything to do with magic. But like any stray dog, he just needs a good pat on the back and eventually he’ll be eating out of your palm. Of course you need to be patient and listen to his constant rants about basically everything you can imagine. Thank God that his voice is so deep and sensuous that it sends shivers down your spine every time he opens his mouth. His face and all the rest are not so bad either. Behind his gruff attitude lurks a sad puppy that only wants to be loved, which softens every girl’s heart. Well, overall Fenris is so cute and hot that it’s not that hard to grant his wish. That’s the biggest power of elves – you just cannot resist them.