Screenshot: PC Invasion

Slay the Princess: Ranking all the Princesses

She is everything you perceive her to be...

Alexa BeMent

Published: Oct 29, 2023 03:24 am

Now that Slay the Princess has been released in full, there are even more variants of the Princess than before.

Slay the Princess : Ranking each of the Princesses

Their base forms and their branching paths are taken into consideration, while also factoring the exclusive variants into the rating. Witch and Thorn are tied together, Adversary and Eye of the Needle are together, so on. Note that just because a Princess has a lower ranking doesn’t mean the depiction of the Princess was poorly executed or designed. This is about which ones resonated. There will be spoilers.

15. The Fury

While the oozing organ-infested world is a great touch, especially if you get this chapter through The Tower, the complete lack of outcome beyond getting imploded kills the momentum for this Princess. Her design is appropriately horrific, but we don’t get enough time to know her.

14. The Stranger

The Stranger still disappoints me compared to the Demo. While I like the new cabin, The Princess being fused together with a dissonant sing-song voice was creepy, it could’ve been much more exciting than it was.

13. The Drowned Grey

The buildup to Drowned Grey is appropriately chilling, and it’s great to see a Princess take revenge in such an ice-cold manner. Sadly, there’s just not much substance to this variant.

12: The Burned Grey

I felt a little more from the Princess’ manic, creepy love, especially listening to Smitten try to justify it. There’s just something so unsettling about how she loves you as you burn with her. I love it. I’d watch this Corpse Bride sequel.

11. The Beast

Beast is a great design for the Princess, and the most unique among the bunch. She’s past the point of talking. She’s determined to get what she wants, and I respect that about her. What hit most about her was the ending of The Den where she gets stuck and pleads with her eyes, silently. It’s a great moment to utilize her animal form.

10. The Adversary

I was pleasantly surprised by how detailed Adversary is. She’s got only thoughts of violence in that one brain cell head of hers, and that’s fun to explore. Her surprising patience and care to keep The Hero around to fight again make for an interesting new dimension of the Princess.

9. The Wraith

In line with the Princess taking what she wants by force, her ruthlessness and used-up patience are justified in this route. Both Spectre and Nightmare give you a chance, and she’s done asking. Seeing her be done and insult the Voices and the Narrator was the cherry on top.

8. The Razor

I found Razor the least interesting Princess from the demo, so I was pleasantly surprised to find her so entertaining in the full release. She’s the overly gleeful tactician to Adversary’s brute force, the perfect mix of cute but incredibly creepy. Turning herself into blades was a fun twist I did not see coming.

7. The Damsel

While I wanted more, I did mostly enjoy where they went with Damsel. It’s appropriate that the Princess becomes so adorable that she’s just a blank slate being projected on, punishing the player for blindly projecting a helpless damsel in distress stereotype onto her. The touch with the Deconstructed Damsel is perfect, and I love how much it creeps people out when they first encounter it.

6. The Prisoner

To me, the Prisoner is the most sincere of them all besides Thorn. I wanted a lot more out of her, but I did like her mix of fear-induced fury and willingness to try and reasonably talk things out. It’s too bad I couldn’t learn everything about her while we were stuck together for eternity.

5. The Wild

This bizarre Princess is rife with things to unpack about the nature of the Hero and Princess’ relationship. The jarring tone switch from Beast and Witch to this perfectly suits the confusion and the ability to defy her will and split apart. There’s something so harrowing about this chapter if you choose to defy and slay her.

4. The Spectre

I find the Spectre’s mix of giddy optimism, guilt-tripping, and glimpses into anger makes for quite a layered Princess. I love how she presents herself as sad and wanting to go home, really trying to make you feel bad about what you did. Hearing how she reacts to the Voices and Narrator as she possesses you just pushes her even further.

3. The Tower

The Tower may have a fairly straightforward story, but wow, does she deliver on it. She embodies divine terror while still giving you a chance to help her. Every part of the story from the forced kneeling to overtaking the Narrator to her breakdown if you kill her hits in every way imaginable.

2. The Nightmare

I did not expect Nightmare to be in second place, and then The Moment of Clarity blew me away. There is so much to unpack in that sequence. There’s nothing else quite like it in the game. I like how she’s trying to work with you until the end of this chapter, and the tense unfolding of the decisions when trying to help her. It makes even a happy ending feel like a whole movie’s worth of effort to get to.

1. The Witch

I also did not expect The Witch to be first, but The Thorn sold it for me. Thorn is the chapter that hit deepest of all of them. It really is the essential route to understanding the love story at the core of the game. The Witch herself is great too; she’s every bit cute and devious. When many other Princesses conditionally let go of chapter one, I love the depth to one who is hung up on your betrayal to the point she cannot be reasoned with. Her backstabbing, dirt-throwing, vicious fighting and willingness to crush you both out of spite is just perfect. The Witch is iconic, and the key to the most heart-wrenching chapter in the entire game.

With that, we’ve seen the Slay the Princess Princess ranking through to the end. Why did the Princesses who struck a chord with you do so? Who is the best Princess?