Goat Simulator will let you force humans to ride you in June

That’s not a goat. FALSE ADVERTISING. Get me a Steam refund immediately.

The free 1.1 update to Goat Simulator is coming on 3 June, with a selection of features that are about as sensible as you’d imagine. Anybody who owns Goat Simulator will get this new version, which will include a new playable map to prat about on.

Not just that, but the manner of your pratting about will change too. 1.1 will let you ride bikes and skateboards, turn into a shopping trolley and, er, force humans to ride you. Does that count as assault? Probably.

According to the evidence of my own eyes, Goat Simulator 1.1 looks like it’ll let you play as a goat-penguin too.

Here’s what to expect, plus an alarmingly soundtracked video of front-leg goat walking in action.

• A whole new playable map, roughly the size of the old map
• Local splitscreen multiplayer, up to four goats can play on one machine at the same time!
• Goat wall-running and balancing on your front legs
• You will be able to ride bicycles and skateboards, and force humans to ride you.
• New playable goats, including Tornado Goat, Shopping Goat, Classy Goat, Repulsive Goat, and more!
• Optimization, achievements, and all kinds of other cool jazz.